


A Mother's Tale: Pain Redefined

by A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)



Series: A Mother's Tale [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Collection: Purimgifts Day 2, Community: purimgifts, Epistolary, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-03-13
Packaged: 2018-01-15 13:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1306528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Henry stumbles upon Regina's journal and learns things about his mother he never knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Mother's Tale: Pain Redefined

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SailorSol](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorSol/gifts).



> Author's notes to come after the reveal. But thank you to my beta.
> 
> Title of this part comes from the Disturbed song of the same name.

The next afternoon, Henry finds himself walking past his mother's office after she's gone out to pick up some last minute groceries for dinner, startled to see the door open once again. From as far back as he can remember, he's only allowed in the office when the door is open. He hesitates for moment, still shaken from what he read yesterday, but goes in anyway. Making his way to the desk, he can see the journal lying open and inviting again. This must be deliberate because she's _never_ this careless.

> Thinking back to when I lost Daniel is difficult, to say the least. I've filled entire journals with my feelings and thoughts on that particular incident and how it's affected me over the course of my lifetime. Thousands of words and tears have covered hundreds of pages. All of them enchanted to reveal their contents to no one but myself or those I chose to share with. No one else has ever seen them. I've never felt I could trust anyone to see them. Not even Daddy.
> 
> When I was married to Leopold, after I sent Mama through the looking glass to Wonderland, I found myself still unable to get past the anger and pain of the betrayal that led to Daniel's death. It haunted me with every breath I took. It didn't help matters that Snow was utterly oblivious and felt we were the closest of friends and family. Her relentless bubbly enthusiasm and seeming innocence were so many shards of glass ripping into the tattered remains of my broken and bleeding heart.
> 
> To be fair, I _did_ lie to her about what happened to Daniel, told her he'd run off and didn't want to marry me after all, that what we'd shared hadn't been love. She'd believed it completely, right up until I finally was honest with her right before she bit into that poisoned apple of mine. I can't say that it didn't feel good to shatter her innocence that day, because it did. But it also made the ache even worse, seeing realization dawn in her eyes, replaced by pity for my loss.
> 
> When Rumplestiltskin began to teach me magic, it was just to stop Mama from further ruining my life. That initially resulted in shoving her through the looking glass. I didn't want to ever touch magic again after that, no matter how good it felt. I vowed on Daniel's memory that I wouldn't let myself turn into the evil woman that she was. I wanted to keep as much of my innocence as possible. But that wasn't meant to be.
> 
> Studying under Rumple was both gratifying and degrading. I excelled at the potions and research that he made me learn. I could have easily become a hedge witch, a healer, with some of the knowledge I gleaned from his tutelage. It's something I would have loved to do. I still make my own blends of teas and herbal remedies to this day.
> 
> But, as he once told me, once the darkness has gotten a taste of you, it won't let go until it's consumed you. And that's exactly what ended up happening to me. My rage and pain burned white hot in my gut, spurred on by Victor's disastrously aborted attempt at resurrecting Daniel for me. When I knew he couldn't come back to me, there was no reason for me to remain good. I let the darkness overwhelm and consume me. For every evil deed I committed, another black spot appeared on my heart. And each use of magic, each instance of control over others and myself, felt _good_. I didn't want to stop or lose that sensation of self-mastery, no matter how false it was. I was more than willing to live the lie, believe it in as much as I'd once believed in the power of love.
> 
> From the moment I knew Daniel would never come back to life, I set my sights on punishing Snow and her father in actuality. Leopold was mostly indifferent toward me. I was his trophy wife. More importantly, I was Snow's babysitter. As long as she was happy, he was happy. My feelings meant nothing. He expected me to do my wifely duties to him whenever he chose, but cared little for how he hurt me. If I didn't comply properly, he beat me severely, but never where anyone could see and know how cruel he was. His reputation as a kind and loving king was all that mattered.
> 
> I thank all the gods daily that his seed never took within my womb. It was bad enough that I was saddled with the child that caused my beloved Daniel to die. I couldn't stomach the thought of bearing Leopold's child, though if I'd borne a son, he might have treated me better. I just didn't want to take that chance.

Hearing the Mercedes pulling into the driveway, Henry pulls away from reading the journal entry. He feels utterly sick to his stomach at the thought of anyone hurting his mom, even accidentally as Snow clearly had. But knowing what his great-grandfather was like hurt more than learning that his other grandfather had helped to blacken his mother's heart.

No, no one had ever told him _this_ side of the story. He'd only learned what the others wanted him to know. Now it was clear that they either didn't know the full truth or didn't care to. And that wasn't fair to his mother.

* * *

  
  
[source](http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/the-evil-queen-regina-mills/images/32520286/title/regina-queen-fanart)   



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